Painted 1.28.17

So many images swirled around in my head today. I had so many visualizations throughout the day that I couldn’t decide which one to paint. I thought it would be difficult to choose once I got home, and truthfully couldn’t wait to end my night and get home so that I could sit down to it. Of course, when I sat down, I instinctively knew what I wanted to paint.

And well, it didn’t really come out the way I had seen it in my head. Technique is not there yet. But, I did sit there and look at it part way through and had a thought. I looked at how I had painted over the whole canvas in dark blue, trying to cover the earlier paintings. You could still definitely see the circles beneath the deep turquoise blue. But as I painted, I noticed also raised pieces poking up under the blue paint. I thought – it’s almost like the past paintings, in a way, are pushing themselves into this current reality of the sea of blue. They looked like raised scars – and maybe that’s all scars really are – they’re experience poking through into life in its present moment. They can be ignored, they can be lightened, but once earned, they would always remain. Maybe scars are our wisdom badges. That sounds stupid.

But in my head – while high – this sounds like an epic thought. The comparison of the old blobs of paint that are texturing the current painting to the scars we accumulate in our lives. So if we take that one level further and say we understand this about scars. Could we become artists of our lives and purposely create certain scars in order to impact the art of the future self. Is that really why I thirst for adventure? Maybe all my life, I have been this artist stuck inside this body, trying to get out. So I am unquenchingly in search of adventure and different experiences. Because I know exactly the kind of person I want to be so if I can visualize it in my head, I can create the necessary scars to create that effect – to slowly build the reality of that self.


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